Jillian Rue

October 2023

Opening my emails is never exciting. Lots of junk, never anything of substance. It has been years since someone sent me an actual email. All communications is on socials now. Facebook Messenger, Instagram Stories, people just don’t send emails unless it is for work, and I don’t work. Well, not really. Not in a way that pays any bills.

It was the title of the email that caught my eye. Sometimes I just read the bait just to have something to do. The truth is, no one was checking me out on LinkedIn, I don’t have a job. So why an email with the title “See Who is Noticing You” sent by LinkedIn, should have just been an automatic delete. But, I guess honestly, I hoped someone was actually noticing me. I really don’t even remember setting up a LinkedIn account, but I must have. I have the spam email to prove it.

Clicking on the email, I expected nothing. I certainly didn’t expect to see his face ever again. At least not by accident. I only ever saw those beautiful eyes when I would search for scraps of his presence on the internet. I had nothing from our time before. It was like we never were. But here, looking at his face, all those old feelings flooded me.

Blue-Green eyes, impish smile, and that uniform. I haven’t spoken to him since January of 2021. What a cluster fuck that was. Any time I would try to make contact to see if we could maybe just catch up, I was met with silence. Or worse, a note from his wife. Lord, what could he even want?

I raised my mason jar to my lips. Let the liquid give me the courage I knew I shouldn’t let it, and sent off another email to him. I’d caught him. He missed me too. Or at least he was curious.

Why are you looking at my LinkedIn profile?

And I attached a screenshot of my proof.

I don’t remember falling asleep, I never do these days. The alcohol makes it easier for me. But damn if I don’t feel like shit when I wake up around 2am. I can’t get back to sleep. My mouth is dry and all I want is another drink. I reach for what’s left of my glass, and glance at my phone.

There is an email.

From him.

I apologize if I was out of line. I guess I was just missing you.

Well, fuck.